Weigh In #2

SW - 195.6
LWW - 192.8
CW - 193.6

+.8 for the week.

So a gain.  Here is my conclusion...this past week was not as good as the week prior.  I ate EVERY single extra point that I had, plus on Monday I ate McDonalds for dinner...sending me WAYYY over my points.  In addition to this...last week I weighed in on my first day of the first week in my birth control cycle...which is always the day I weigh the least.  So I wasn't expecting good news.

I'm hoping to really stick it out this week and have a big loss like I did in week one.  Truth is I'm still down 2 pounds overall and that is better than being up there still.  My goal this week is to not eat all of my extra points, and get my activity up.  I already do a lot...I'm training for my 10K...but for the next three weeks (until the 10K) I really want to push it out with lots of cardio and core training.

I just hope today is better than Monday and Tuesday were this week.

A Rainy Day For My Rainy Mind.

It's raining today...and I must say, the weather matches my mood perfectly.  I feel so absolutely jaded.  I really was hoping to pull something around this weekend...and I failed as miserably as always.  Maybe I'm so upset today because my neck is sore and it's hard to keep my head up.  I know that I can still make things happen, and if I work hard and if I'm consistent I'll get back down to 177 in no time.  I can do it faster than I did it last year, and I can do it better.

Here's a positive note:  I've been very diligent in doing all of my training so far for the 10K at the end of next month.  I have five weeks...and I'd really like to lose 10lbs before the run.  I can feel the extra weight when I go on my long runs. 

Tonight I hope to do my measurements and get those taken care of.  I had Steve take a progress picture of me this morning.  I'm going to choose to be positive about this, and clear this rain from my head.  I'm going to start from where I am today and get the weight off for once, and for good.

I wish my neck didn't hurt today...I'm also having a hard time seeing out of one eye.  I don't know if it's the new contacts or what.  I can't let these outside factors affect how I'm feeling about my weight loss progress.

Today is a renew day...I'm just going to eat healthy and drink lots of water to get rid of the toxins from the weekend eating episodes.  My 3 mile run should help me after work too.  I'll weigh in tomorrow and mark that as day one of Weight Watchers.  And I will weigh in every Tuesday from now until I am back down to 177...and then I will keep going...because it's a goal that I really want to reach.  I deserve to reach it...so I'm going to let myself do that this time.

I want to finally be happy being me :).

PS- I started re-reading "When You Eat At The Refrigerator Pull Up A Chair" last night.  Good book about body image issues.  I'm hoping it will help me deal with the mental side of all of this.  I'll probably start listening to the CD I got from when I was on Jenny Craig last year (Touchstones).  It's not all physical...it's more mental than anything!

Positive Mind...Positive Outlook...Positive Results.

If At First You Don't Succeed Try Try Again...

I am on weight loss overload.  Too many ideas...too many ways to lose the weight.  The biggest problem is the scale keeps going up and down.  I'm stuck right now.  I don't want to be stuck tomorrow.  I want to see the scale go down every day until I reach that "holy" weight that I've been trying to get to for so long.

Here's what I know:  Losing weight shouldn't cost this much.  I shouldn't have to buy every meal pre-packaged for an upscale price.  I shouldn't have to pay to go to a meeting to weigh in on a scale.  I shouldn't have to spend hundreds of dollars every year on fruit and vegetables that rot in my fridge and on my counters.

Here is what I don't know:  How to I overcome my obsession with FOOD?  It is a true obsession.  I love Three Musketeer bars and Pepsi.  I LOVE big spaghetti dinners...and bread and meatballs.  I love gas station junk food.  Bagels from Dunkin' Donuts and more...  How can I stop being so obbessed with the foods that I love?  I know I'll have them again someday...but to this point I've taught myself that if I'm going to go on a diet that I won't ever have that bagel or spaghetti dinner or candy bar.  Not for awhile anyway.  But then I turn around and two weeks later I'm eating all of it because for two weeks I pounded into my head the fact that it's gone from my life forever. 

Here is what else I don't know:  How can I smiplify this weight loss "project?"  That's what it is.  A project.  I even bought a new notebook and pen...that attempt didn't go anywhere.  I need to wade through all of the different exercise programs and diet programs and figure out what works for me...so please someone please stand up and give me the answer!  The simple, correct, nothing but the truth ANSWER.

So day one of the project is a Friday.  That's today.  That's because starting on Monday only makes it eaiser to "cheat" on the weekend.

Job number one:  Get rid of words like "cheat" from my vocabulary.

Sometime else I do know:  Consistancey is key.  If from Friday to Friday I am consistant with trying to eat healthy and getting as many workouts in as I can I will see the numbers on the scale go down and eventually reach where I want to be.

Goal -  Stick with it this time.